I'll Look So Hot in a Coffin: And Other Thoughts I Used to Have About My Body

An intimate, irreverent memoir about one woman’s experience living with a deformity, and her quest to find freedom and joy in her body. Carla Sosenko was born with Klippel-Trenaunay Syndrome, a rare vascular disorder that resulted in a mass of flesh on her back,­­ legs of different sizes, a hunched posture, and other idiosyncrasies big and small. She spent years trying to hide, but later experimented with reckless exhibitionism in a masochistic quest to be seen. She couldn't stop worrying about how she measured up; she ruminated on the comments other people felt comfortable making about her body. In this candid and funny memoir, Carla shares what existing in an unconventional body has meant for her self-image, mental health, relationships, and career. She writes of having liposuction at eight years old and obsessively gaming Weight Watchers points. She probes the way the materialistic, looks-obsessed Long Island town of her childhood influenced her psyche. She wrestles with the rise of Ozempic after years of working to reject diet culture. And she tries to parse whether it is in spite of or because of her physical differences that she is a chatty, outgoing social butterfly who chose a high-profile career in media and is obsessed with fashion. Most of all, Carla explores the ways in which she’s felt alone and without not disabled but different; the recipient of pretty privilege, but also fatphobia; too much, but still never enough. We see what it means when she learns to claim her body—and mind and spirit and life—for exactly what they her own. A clarion call for anyone who has ever felt like an outsider or believed they should take up less space, I'll Look So Hot In a Coffin offers hope, recognition, and a new way to understand ourselves—by celebrating what sets us apart. View Less